Hello friends…. It’s been about a week since my last post, August Favorites, so i thought i would give you a little more insight into how my reverse diet has been going since i talked about it a couple weeks ago. This post is to give you a little more insight into the ups and downs, changes in perspective, finding “normalcy”, all that seem to accompany post show life. This also serves as a way for me to write down my thoughts and think more about my actions and emotions (hopefully that makes sense).
Let the rambles begin…
So up until a week and a half ago, i would say i have been mostly very consistent with hitting my macros. On prep, i would hit my macros to a T but with “off season” i typically would try to be within 5g for carbs and protein and between 2-3g for fats (as they are more calorically dense). This was working for me. 2 weeks ago we upped my food…awesome. Last week, we chose to cut out some cardio and keep food the same.. cool.
I thought things would go exactly how they had been… ya know, me hitting my macros. Why? Because I’ve managed to stay on track thus far why would this week be any different? Well out of the past 10 days, i have maybe hit my macros…. 3 out of the 10 days. Why? I was hungry and wanted more to eat. More food. This meant eating extra food that i hadn’t originally planned. It meant deciding that i wanted butterfingers bits AND reese baking chips on my fluff bowl at night. It meant eating the banana even though i knew that i was already over my carb macros for the day. It meant dipping my carrots into jalapeño dip just because i could…. you get my point.
In the past, i think going “off track” and saying “f it I’m already over my macros” would have led me to go off the deep end and eat everything in sight. But this week, it didn’t (although i’d be lying if i didn’t think about going ham on a pint of ice cream… i digress). I didn’t hit my macros but the world didn’t end. I didn’t magically gain 20 lbs over night and i didnt wake up the next day hating myself or my body. I ate because i was hungry and that was okay with me. Mentally and physically.
In addition to my macros being all over the place this week, i also incorporated my first “untracked day” back into my diet. The boyfriend and I FINALLY had a day where both of us were off work. Needless to say, this never happens. With this being a rare occasion, we decided to take advantage. The boyfriend and i drove to the beach, got our tan on, then went out to eat. We both drank alcohol, he had beer… i don’t do beer (gross) but i did have some cider which i enjoyed even though I’m not a big drinker. We split a pizza which we haven’t had since post show numero dos and then ended our night at Sweet Frog for some froyo. We both got the large froyo cup and no cheesecake bites were left behind (lol the BEST froyo topping ever…don’t argue with me on this)…. I ate all the froyo and had no shame.
Now, i could say that i stepped on the scale the following morning and was not surprised by the number i saw. However, that would not be entirely true. Yes, i was expecting the number on the scale to be higher as i had just consumed a lot more calories than i typically do. But this number was higher than even i had expected. Yes, at first i was like “oh, shit”. But instead of sweating the number and thinking i had gained x amount of fat over night, i readjusted my thoughts. “No lauren, you did not eat over 20,000 calories yesterday, you know you didn’t drink enough water yesterday, it’s water weight, you ate late at night, yada yada”.. you get my point. I was so proud of myself for not letting the number on the scale, or choosing to have a free meal with my boyfriend, derail my mental OR physical progress.
In the past, i would have felt guilt and crazy anxiety after having a free meal. I would have chosen to not weigh myself. I probably would have done extra cardio to “work off” all the food i had eaten and i probably would have cut down on my macros the rest of the week… But i didn’t do any of those things… And i am so happy with myself for that.
So after having my untracked pizza and froyo on friday, my macros since then have still not been on point. And when i continually find myself going over my macros, i had to ask myself WHY? And the answer i have come up with is that I WANT MORE FOOD. I think upping my macros will help with my hunger, give me some satiety, and make hitting my macros easier for me at this point. Yes, the scale is up (it’s normalizing again and trending back down) and upping my food could potentially cause the number to continue to rise even more… and you know what? I can honestly say that i am okay with that. I have reverse dieted really well, in my opinion, these past 9 weeks. And seeing the number rise a little more because i am eating more is something that i am okay with at this point in time. Gaining weight isn’t the enemy. Gaining weight doesn’t make you less “fitspo”, less of a person, or less awesome. You, and i, are awesome regardless of the number on the scale and that’s something everyone needs to remember. We are so much more than the stupid number on the scale.
I want this blog post to reiterate to myself, and to show you, that it is okay to NOT hit your macros. It’s okay to not hit your macros to a T every single day. It is okay to go out to eat with your family, your boyfriend, your friends, and not track your macros. This doesn’t mean that you are blowing off your fitness goals or that all your progress goes to the wayside because you aren’t hardcore or “fitspo”. You don’t have to feel guilty for allowing flexibility and normalcy into your life. You can still reach your goals. Yes, i know that going with the flow/not stressing macros is easier said than done. It has taken me a long time to get to where i am mentally with my relationship with food. Even now, it is still not perfect. But it is a hell of a lot better than it has been… and for that, i am proud.
Hopefully you don’t find this post to be all over the place but if it is, my apologies. Please comment below with any other Post Show/Reverse Diet topics you would look me to talk more about in future posts because i feel like this is something a lot of competitors/dieters can relate to.
Thanks so much for reading and keep checking back for more,